"And, therefore, let the immeasurable come.
Let the unknowable touch the buckle of my spine.
Let the wind turn in the trees,
and the mystery hidden in the dirt
swing through the air.
How could I look at anything in this world
and tremble, and grip my hands over my heart?
What should I fear?"
-Mary Oliver
I wish I could tell you I've been fantastic, here in the beautiful central coast, but I have had a whirlwind of spiraling emotions since I have arrived. It's the combination of certainties that are due to exist when moving; nesting into of a new duplex, figuring out public transportation, dealing with Military by-laws/guidelines, waiting for our storage from Utah to arrive, and my husband in a restricted phase (where I can only see him for a few hours on base only).
Transitioning into the Army life has had its difficulties, and I have been known to say and display a lot of frustration lately. However, this was an unknown, uncertainty I knew I had chosen (and signed up for). I am not use to the specific rules. I have lived a passive, and free lifestyle, remedied with things natural and flowing.
Last night, I wrote down all my complaints of the last several weeks, and I couldn't believe how sad, and how much anger I had penned up inside. I stopped, turned the paper over, and I went a different direction. I decided to write down all the things that I was grateful while I have been up here.
...I love that when I wake up, I can hear the seals off the shore. I love that I have the opportunity to see my husband everyday. I am grateful I have the slow-motion minutes of the day to watch my belly move, and watch my eldest wiggle her toes. I am grateful for public transportation and the extremely kind authorities who assist me. I am grateful that I our family has been safe, and no injury or harm has come our way...
Let's just say this excersice really made me look at the cup "half-full", and despite the fury and wrath building inside; I felt relieved.
Last night, I feel asleep on my down-trodden air mattress, next to the slumbering daughter, and look towards the twinkling street lights, and thought,"What should I fear?"
